‘Off the Scales’ - Welcome Back: E-Letter 2
Hi Friends,
Welcome back to the Off the Scales letter. Thank you for taking the time to return this week.
Somehow a week has passed already (does anyone else feel like they are in some sort of time vortex right now?!) since my first e-letter. I’m hugely grateful for the warmth that it was received with.
I’ve promised to share a bit of insight into the making process of Off the Scales through these letters, so grab that brew and let me tell you where things are at right now.
I’m currently preparing for a writing residency next week with Arvon ‘at home’. I’m not sure being at home in lockdown and calling something a ‘residency’ is accurate (!) but the intention is to have a full 5 days of focused writing and inspiration. The taught programme element couldn't be more perfectly themed, exploring writing for performance with community stories. By next Friday evening I will have shared an extract of written material rooted in the stories gathered from our interviews, and my own experiences of having been a Weight Watchers member. This is both an exciting and nerve wracking prospect!
I hope that next week I will start to develop my very embryonic ideas into something more tangible. My brain is full of snippets of text and abstract images. My notebook currently includes phrases like:
"Space hopper sequence"
"Trestle table ballet"
"Weigh day rituals montage"
"Food Glorious Food plays to food flying around the room"
"Cabaret show scene of alter egos"
I hope you're as intrigued to see what happens next with these as I am…!
In preparation for the writing week, the residency creators at Arvon sent us guidance notes. This includes advice to help me set up my work space, tips to help with focus (turning off the phone, avoid 'social scrolling', lots of water, tea and fresh air breaks!) They even included some suggested recipes to try from their head chef who would - under non-covid circumstances - have been cooking every day for us.
Part of the suggested prep was to also try and step away from other work and responsibilities, such as household chores, where possible. What a luxurious thing! I appreciate in 'normal times' a residency would be just that: a full week away from home, fully immersed in the writing. Creating those boundaries at home is a much greater challenge. And I say that as someone without kids!
Creating boundaries to make time for ourselves is also a recurring theme through the research we've been doing on Off the Scales. Putting ourselves and our needs as a priority is both challenging and complex.
This sense of being the bottom of the priority list inspired this first more formed piece of writing in response to these all too familiar stories. I don't yet know if this is the start of a song lyric, or a conversation between characters. This may be something I develop more next week.
Last on the list
I can't put myself first
How dare I even think it.
Children are first
Work is first
Partner is first
Pets are first
Parents are first
Pouring from an empty cup - how can an empty cup keep making me so fat?
Who am I if not my responsibilities?
I can't let go of the to do list
If I complete the list then I'm not needed.
If I complete the list, then I have to start working on me. No excuses.
Would I rather chase the idea of who I could be than become her?
And They will look at me and know.
All bones and gaunt tight faced.
There goes the selfish woman.
The one who put pilates before parents evening.
The one who sacks off after work drinks to get to the gym.
Who sacrifices Sunday family pub lunches for batch cooking chicken n veg.
The one who got above her station and thought they could get away with putting herself first.
Who does she think she is?
Who do I think I could be?
I'm better off going last.
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What also inspired this musical concept is the flip side and hope to these low self worth moments too. That the support many seem to receive from the group setting is simply the act of taking an hour out of the week to focus on what we want, and what we need to achieve our goals and put our health first. That the group gives a place of permission for this; a weekly reminder shared between one another that we are each worthy of investment. It's hard to imagine how this notion can be so difficult to believe, or indeed what impact of a weekly dose of encouragement can do for self worth.
Please send me good vibes for next Friday as I read these early formations aloud for the first time! And as ever, feel free to get in touch if anything resonates with you here today too.
Take good care.
Kate x